D12HW4 Style

Word Choice:

Second, a lack of communication between the U.S., and it’s allies, with the Iranian government would likely result in a rapid disintegration of relations with that Persian country.

First, In the first sentence I ended up using the word "Persian" after changing it from "troublesome." I decided I didn't want to use "troublesome" because it came off as being to biased and I wanted to keep my tone as neutral as I could. I first considered changing it to Iranian but decided against it because I'd already used the word "Iranian" in that sentence. So I finally settled on "Persian" because Iran is in fact a Persian country and I hadn't mentioned that in my writing yet.

Sentence Structure:

a. Initial: However, the flipside is that the finding of hard evidence of Iranian foul play could unite the U.N. enough to substantially support military operations against Iran.

b. Revised: However, the flipside is that hard evidence of Iranian foul play could unite the U.N. enough to gain substantial material support for military operations in Iran.

First, I got rid of "the finding of" because it just didn't seem like proper english to me. Second I changed the structure of the second half of the sentence because I thought it sounded better and I added the word material because I wanted to convey the need to gather support in the form of material and human resources.

Punctuation:

Third, in the event that the U.S. and it’s allies initiate military strikes against Iran, it is possible that the situation could spin out of control into a full scale war.

Initially there was not a comma after Iran. I decided to put it in there because I decided the flow of the sentence needed to be paused at that point. It sounds better than going straight into, "it is possible that..."