D10HW5 Revised Paragraph

Here is the revised work:

Before:

There are three likely occurrences, which could lead to large-scale conflict with Iran. First is if hard evidence of Iranian foul play is found. Specifically evidence of the Iranian government developing nuclear weapons or intelligence linking top Iranian officials to support of terrorist groups around the world, specifically in Iraq. The U.S. and its allies are attempting to rally support against Iran in the United Nations as well as other international organizations (Katel). Hard evidence of the type described would give them the proof needed to gather large amounts of support from the international community for their case against Iran. As with Iraq evidence of foul play would result in conflict if international demands on Iran by the international community were not met. Second, a lack of communication between the U.S. and it’s allies with the Iranian government would likely result in a rapid disintegration of goodwill with the troublesome country. Currently, the U.S. and many of its allies are refusing to enter into negotiations with Iran until they cease Uranium enrichment (Bahgat). In response the Iranian government has stated their refusal to bow to this demand from the “arrogant powers.” As this lack of communication continues both sides become more stubborn and the farther we come from a peaceful resolution. Third, in the event that the U.S. and it’s allies initiate military strikes against Iran it is possible that the situation could spin out of control into a full scale war. Coalition forces have already begun building up their military presence in northern Iraq and the Persian Gulf to prepare for the possibility of conflict (Scott). At the same time Iran has stated that it is prepared to retaliate on Coalition targets in the event they are attacked (Guards: Length and Breadth). As with a schoolyard fight, a few shoves could result in punches being thrown, and those punches could result in an all out brawl.

After:

There are three likely occurrences, which could lead to large-scale conflict with Iran. The first is if hard evidence of Iranian foul play is found. Specifically either evidence of the Iranian government developing nuclear weapons or intelligence linking top Iranian officials to support of terrorist groups around the world, especially in Iraq. The U.S. and its allies are attempting to rally support against Iran in the United Nations as well as other international organizations (Katel). Hard evidence of the type described would give them the proof needed to gather large amounts of support from the international community for their case against Iran. As with Iraq evidence of foul play would result in conflict if international demands on Iran by the international community were not met. Second, a lack of communication between the U.S., and it’s allies, with the Iranian government would likely result in a rapid disintegration of relations with the troublesome country. Currently, the U.S. and many of its allies are refusing to enter into negotiations with Iran until they cease Uranium enrichment (Bahgat). In response the Iranian government has stated their refusal to bow to this demand from the “arrogant powers." As this lack of communication continues both sides become more stubborn and the farther we come from a peaceful resolution. A prime example was Iranian President Ahmadinejad's statement at the U.N. where he stated that the issue of his countries nuclear programs was closed (Hoge). Third, in the event that the U.S. and it’s allies initiate military strikes against Iran it is possible that the situation could spin out of control into a full scale war. Coalition forces have already begun building up their military presence in northern Iraq and the Persian Gulf to prepare for the possibility of conflict (Scott). At the same time Iran has stated that it is prepared to retaliate on Coalition targets in the event they are attacked (Guards: Length and Breadth). A Coalition strike on an Iranian target could result in Iranian retalliation, which in turn would likely result in another Coalition strike. As with a schoolyard fight, a few shoves could result in punches being thrown, and those punches could result in an all out brawl.

This was interesting exercise which I think will be useful especially when done before we start peer reviewing each other's papers. It makes you look past simple structure and grammatical errors and focus on the meat and potatoes of the paper.